A Love Letter to San Diego

My home forever no mater where I go

Leaving my city was one of the most heartbreaking events of my life thus far.

Long before the day I was set to leave I could feel the shift in my temperament and demeanor. It was all consuming, I felt like I was in mourning before anything even died. The idea that I and the people who surrounded me whom I love would never exist in the same way again was too much to bear. I was angry at everyone because I wanted more time than anything. What I had wasn’t enough. I could never satiate my thirst for more special moments, laughs, shared meals, secrets and trips. My anger was misplaced. More than anything I was mad at myself - hurt that the decision I was making was the right one.

Over the three weeks since I arrived and tried to settle in here in Portland I found myself to be extra sensitive. Prone to sobbing (a direct reference to my roots and twitter where I go by: Ceci is a Crybaby), and feeling alone. In my sorrow and loneliness I’d done the only logical thing I could think of, which was to make myself sadder of course. My social media had been both a blessing and a curse in that process. Seeing so many different images of my favorite people, and places was so heartbreaking and yet so beautiful. A constant reminder that what I feel is real, and that these people I adore are not gone- just 940 miles away.

There are many things I want to say, too many people I cannot address fully, I’ll do my best to make do.

To my family,

You taught me so much, from the turbulence and unpredictable things we’ve gone through you’ve made me strong and adaptable. I love you, I’ll be home soon :,)

To my friends and co-workers at Third and Moss,

I want to say thank you, and I love you so much, you all made life lively and worth living when I genuinely couldn’t see the point anymore. You taught me what I was capable of and the meaning of found family. I was so lucky, too lucky to have stumbled upon such a special group of humans- I doubt I’ll find anything nearly as special again.

"... these people I adore are not gone-just 940 miles away"

To my best friends in this whole wide world,

I miss you all dearly, it pains me that you’re not half an hour away. I miss our dates, and shopping trips, I miss mint chocolate chip ice cream with you, I miss the movies, I miss the never ending chisme, I miss comfortable silences with you. I love you forever, come see me soon.

To Bella and Oso

I would’ve picked you in every universe, I still choose you, I love you endlessly.

To my city,

Finally to my city, San Diego, I miss you. I miss the ocean and the air, I miss your sunsets and your sites. Yet most of all I’m jealous of you for having all of my favorite people, take care of them for me. Treat them well and tell them I’m just a plane ride away. I’ll be back soon.

All my love, Ceci <3

P.S. Here is the link to the playlist I cried to while writing this https://open.spotify.com/playlist/13iU4mQYG2JOhITAb2iqkC?si=944ff0105aec4f73