POST AUGUST BLUES AND IMPENDING DOOM

A roadmap to being content - a lesson in gratitude

As I sit and reflect upon the year coming to a close I can’t help but think, “what the actual fuck?” I mean for starters what happened to the year. It’s now September, meaning it’s basically Halloween which means Thanksgiving is just a rainy day away, and in turn Santa Claus is nearly done deciding who’s naughty and who’s nice. As to whether I think I’ll make the nice list, well who can say?

Now I don’t know if its just me but I found August to be the most agonizing month of the year so far. I am biased of course because I packed up my belongings and moved out of the city to a more quaint suburb of Oregon (a.k.a. buck fuck nowhere). On top of that I changed jobs and can’t help but feel like an absolute imposter in the roll and organization as a whole. It was a month of uncomfortable growth at an unprecedented rate in my personal life to say the least.

I’ve always found the month to be painful and sort of icky, perhaps because it marks the end of the summer. Perhaps because despite it bringing said summer to an end it is always the hottest month of the year. Or perhaps because August always brings with it thoughts and memories I thought I’d laid to rest countless times before. Thoughts of roads not taken, the natural passing of time, and an insatiable longing for things I can never get back.

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During the month of August I don’t believe I did anything truly productive for myself. I must’ve spent more time aimlessly scrolling through TikTok and Instagram than anything else. I was certainly aware that there were clearly better uses of my time but my instinct was to make excuses for myself:

• Oh well I’m moving I don’t have to move my body anymore than I already am (granted my new apartment is on the third floor, I probably exercised sufficiently during that week just by moving boxes up and down the cursed stairs)

• I’m much too tired to do my laundry; surely it can wait until tomorrow (I didn’t actually do my laundry until I had no other option)

• I don’t have to check those emails about my student loans right this second, I’m sure there haven’t been any major changes (there were in fact multiple changes)

• There are no groceries I can justify eating out three times this week (I could’ve made the effort to eat what I did have on hand)

The point is there is always a “better” use of our time, and there probably are more productive things I could be actively trying to do daily or weekly, but the gloom and weight of those August blues is often too much to bear. I must give myself some grace and recognize that I am only human and it’s okay to do nothing on occasion.

Now that being said, to acknowledge the August blues we must in turn acknowledge that all of the months of the year blur together in a blue hue full of that same terribly painful icky sentiment. For example my August blues might be another’s June gloom, or jaded July etc. The remedy for a case of the August blues and feelings of impending doom is not remaining stagnant, the remedy is to keep moving forward, the answer is to be grateful.

When we stop for a moment, and recognize when we have had a month or months of doing the bare minimum and say, “thank you, despite all the nothingness and emotional turmoil, you’ve been good to me!” We gain a different perspective and can walk into the next week, season, or month with clarity. It allows us to then have small things we accomplish like making our beds, brushing our hair or going for a walk a huge win.

Since the start of September I’ve not only sat down to write, something I couldn’t bring myself to do in ages, but have also finished reading a book! Pretty rad accomplishments when I admit I did nothing in the month of August.

So thank you, thank you August for all the nothingness. Thank you for all the tears and stress, thank you for all the heat and rain. I am content and am excited for the ending of 2023, and will be no matter what I get done :,)

I’ll finish with a quote that I think sums up my feelings about stepping into this next season with gratitude and contentment:

“THERE ARE ALWAYS FLOWERS THERE FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE THEM” - HENRI MATISSE

P.S. the book I finished reading was The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo- the plot twist at the end was SICKENING, can’t recommend it enough

P.P.S. a very special thank you as always to Jazmyn who is responsible for all the gorgeous graphics on all of my posts, ily and your big beautiful brain!

***This post was sponsored by me feeling perpetually seventeen and the sounds of Cigarettes After Sex

P.P.P.S. sorry for being annoying.... gawd its been awhile hasn't it, missed you babes ! <3

With love, Ceci x